For the first time in three years, I’ve been staring at my computer screen with little to say.  It isn’t that there is nothing to share but perhaps nothing appropriate.  There are lots of questions floating around my brain.  However, I have no answers at this point.  My husband had an infection that seeped into his blood, which would’ve killed him had it not been caught quickly.  Because of the emergency nature of last week, I find myself questioning several issues.

  1. While there is no doubt that God is undertaking in our situation regarding my husband’s medical situation, how will I know if it is time to cut back on ministering to others and concentrate more on his increasing needs?
  2. Have the years of preparing for my husband’s decline in health produced enough fruit?  What else could we have done?
  3. How do I effectively prepare for the upcoming years of medical uncertainty?

Because we could not get long-term-care insurance and the cost of this insurance for us was astronomical, we started putting money aside to prepare for this time.   I naively thought that having enough money in the bank would be our biggest concern.  Little did I know that the monetary issue would be one of the least of our concerns.

A good friend who is much younger than I am told me one day, “I never know if my husband will be alive when I come home.”  I understood what she meant.  For the past eight years, that is the reality with which I’ve lived.  I thought that this gave me a leg up in dealing with our particular situation. 

Additionally, working with The Special Gathering has given me insight into the heart, joys and pains of living with people with disabilities.  Yet, last week exposed that I have more inquiries than I have answers regarding what to do when a person’s disabilities increase.  My greatest concern is dealing with the surprises of the past months–a broken leg and hip, then a blood infection. 

Again, lots of questions.  No answers.  Perhaps this is the reality that parents face daily.  I pray that I’m learning the lessons of compassion and endurance that riddle the lives of families with disabilities.  Maybe the Lord is preparing me to be more effective in ministry, rather than the alternative.